live your life on purpose (part 2)

If you want to read part 1 of our story, head to this post.

 Did you think our story ended there? No way! The best was yet to come! Truth be told, our story will forever be growing and adapting. As with everything in this life, there will be good seasons and bad seasons. What you choose to take and learn from those times has the potential to change your life forever. Choose with meaning and carefulness. Do every little thing you do on purpose.

When I left you in part 1, I had three young children and I was alone, struggling and searching. My faith was tattered and fragile. I was working full time at Old Navy. A friendship began with a co-worker. He was somewhat quiet, polite and respectful. Our circle of friends spent a lot of hours together. Over time, he and I started noticing one another in a new way. An exciting way. We talked about everything. We were very similar, and yet not. Eventually, he met L, M and M. We all fell in love. Aaron and I were married March 18, 2006. Luke was 5, Madison was 4 and Micah was 2. Three months later we were pregnant! Brady James was welcomed with ten open arms to our family on March 2, 2007. It was a very special time in our lives.

Here we are five years later. Luke is 11, Madison is 10, Micah is 8 and Brady is 5. Aaron and I recently celebrated 6 years of marriage. I have learned so much from my husband and our children. My faith has gained much strength through the joy of my family. I want to live my life as a testament to God's love and forgiveness. I want the grace of God to shine through me. Not so people can see me and my works. Rather that others may see God and his works.

I am not at all proclaiming that I am perfect. But I am a perfect example of a woman who has sinned and felt the consequences deep in my soul for a long time. Once I knew I had already been forgiven by my heavenly Father, because of the debt he paid on the cross, I could start to live my life on purpose.



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act of service

I awoke to this the other morning.

My husband is seriously the best!

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my interpretation of filling the gaps

I was watching Rocky II the other night. I don't know about you all but I have always adored the Rocky movies. Ever since I was a young girl these movies have touched my heart. I am sure some of you are chuckling and shaking your head right now. That's OK. To each his own. You say tomato, I say tomato.

Anywhoooooo.

You all know the basic story line. If you don't, walk away from the computer right now and get yourself to your local video store and rent all the Rocky movies and watch them. OK so maybe just the first four, but still. Do it. 

There is a scene in Rocky II that I love. Rocky is talking to his brother-in-law, Paulie, about Adrianne, Rocky's wife. You have to understand Paulie and his character, but he is asking Rocky what he sees in Adrianne, why does he love her. Rocky's reply is simply, honest and couldn't be closer to the truth. Rocky tells Paulie that Adrianne "fills the gaps". He goes on to say that he has gaps and she has gaps but together they fill those gaps. Those were not his exact words, to be sure. But you hopefully get the point at hand.

I know for myself I got huge gaps. Gaping gaps. So does my husband. We are human. Married humans. I never thought about the amount of work that goes in to keeping a marriage afloat. Man oh man. My husband and I are learning how to work hard at our marriage. It has not been as easy road, but it is a road we are committed to traveling together. Through thick and thin, through fights and nasty looks, through words misspoken and actions deceitful, we will continue filling the gaps for each other.

Oh what's that you say? You want me to share what some of our gaps are? OK. You asked for it!

I am pretty confrontational. My husband is so NOT confrontational.

I tend to be pretty emotional when dealing with marriage matters. My husband stays fairly even keeled. Drives me batty!

I am a doer and a go-getter. Hy husband takes his time and thinks about things for awhile before acting on them.

Sometimes words just start flying out of my mouth before I have the chance to think about how it will make the other person feel. My husband thinks about every word that will come out of his mouth for at least 30 seconds, most of the time even longer.

He likes salty. I like sweet.

A match made in Heaven! At least, that's what I think. God knew what he was doing when he put us together. I love my husband. Dagnabbit I do!!! Together, we are gap filling fools!

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marriage is sacred

I have been trying to take more time at night to read. A fellow blogger, MckMama, introduced her readers to the book Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I read her blog often. She shares a lot about her marriage and the struggles she and her husband have endured. The title itself intrigued me, Sacred Marriage. Then underneath the title this reads, what if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy? Whoah! That's a heavy statement. What does it even mean? I am still peeling back the layers of the book learning what that statement means, and the more I read the more I have come to believe that is in fact what God intended.

My husband and I have been going through a not-so-good season for awhile now. And that's another thing. The word season. I have heard a couple people refer to times in their marriage, good and bad, as seasons. I love it! Because that is what they are, seasons. They come and go. Somehow referring to these times as seasons, especially the bad ones, it is easier for me to know that it will pass. And it will. If my husband and I are committed to each other, and we are, they will pass.

That doesn't make it any easier though.

One section in the book is titled The Dating Dance. It basically states that behind every marital distress lies unrepented sin. Couples moreso fall out of repentance, not out of love. Wow! "Sin, wrong attitudes, and personal failures that are not dealt with slowly erode the relationship...." When we marry, we committ to allow ourselves to be known by our spouse. He or she will see you as you are-with all your faults, prejudices, fears, and weaknesses. Sorry babe!

Gary Thomas refers to dating as a dance where we put our best foot forward-"hardly a good preparation for the inevitable self-disclosure implied in marriage.  Many marriages end in divorce largely because one or both partners are running from their own revealed weaknesses as much as they are running from something they can't tolerate in their spouse."

Gary Thomas offers a wonderful yet challenging alternative. "Use the revelation of your sin as a means to grow in the foundational Christian virtue of humility, leading you to confession and renouncement." For me I am taking one sin at a time. Using my renouncement and speaking to my husband with respect instead of with an attitude. Putting my husband first instead of second or third. I still struggle with these(and so much more) but I know in my heart what the right thing to do is and I will pray everyday for God's help.

"View marriage as an entryway into sanctification-as a relationship that will reveal your sinful behaviors and attitudes and give you the opportunity to address them before the Lord. But here's the challenge: Don't give in to the temptation to resent your partner as your own weaknesses are revealed. Correspondingly, give them the freedom and acceptance they need in order to face their own weaknesses as well. In this way, we can use marriage as a leg up, a piercing spiritual mirror, designed for our santification and growth in holiness."

This seems impossible, I know! I am not one to shy away from making sure my husband knows when he has done something wrong or forgotten to do something asked of him. And I make it a point to illustrate the fact that his sin is worse than mine, even if by a smidge. What kind of a wife does this? Are we not suppose to be partners supporting and loving each other no matter what? That is why we got married right. To find that certain someone to live happily with and smell the flowers with along this journey we call life. WRONG!!! Marriage is SO much more than smelling stinkin flowers. In fact, I don't think in the four years my husband and I have been married we have ever smelled flowers. We have been too busy wiping behinds, cleaning spilled milk, making booboos all better, holding hair back while little girls throw up all night, singing songs we would rather not and saying things we swore we never would.

Who ever thought marriage would be a safehouse for revealing our sin openly to our spouse, asking our spouse for forgiveness, reconciling, and growing in holiness! And then doing the same for our spouse! I sure as heck did NOT.

But I have to say, if you and your spouse can create that safe environment for one another, you both will be blessed and so will your marriage. God will see your hearts. This is what I hope for my own marriage. This is what I hope for yours.        

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choose wisely

I've been thinking. A lot actually. About marriage. My marriage in particular but also marriage in general. Man, it is not all fun and games is it? It can be tough. Really tough. Unbearable at times. So why even bother with it? Why work at making it a good Godly marriage if we are only going to come full circle and find ourselves having the same argument and difficulties we have been having. Why should I? Why should he?

The way I see it, I have two choices. I can choose to see my husband and all his imperfections and annoying habits and shortcomings as a father and husband. I can bring all of those to the forefront and let them run my thoughts and feelings and literally allow them to destroy our connection as husband and wife. I can choose to let the Devil take over and poison our words, interactions, looks, gestures, body language and attitudes. Because that is exactly what will happen if I choose to see my husband in that negative and hateful manner. And likewise, if he chooses to see me and all my imperfections and annoying habits, and allows the Devil to dictate his actions towards me, the worst possible scenario will happen to our marriage. It goes both ways.

The other choice I have is to see my husband as the thoughtful, generous, witty, intelligent, goofy, caring, hard-working man that he is. And yes, he is all those things and so much more. He exudes these qualities on a daily basis. When I look at my husband with tender eyes and see the goodness he brings to my life and the life of our children I can not help but love him. I can not help but respect him. And that is what I should do, what I am called to do. To love and respect my husband. I find these two actions, love and respect very hard to show at times. More often than not, I choose not to show my husband love and respect. And every time, it ends up the same. Bottled up anger and emotions that leads to silence that leads to tension that leads to hurt and disappointment. Have I learned anything through the years? Granted, my husband and I have only been married almost 4 years. But you'd think during this time I would have learned the cyles of destruction and chosen not to take us down that path. Nope, not I. And not my husband either.

The choice to see my husband as the best husband in the entire universe is not always the easiest, but it comes with the most glorious and exhilirating rewards! He is the best husband and Daddy in the entire world because he takes time to play soccer with the boys, brushes his daughter's hair and puts it in a ponytail when she asks, fixes my cup of coffee in the morning, lets me sleep in on Saturdays, reads to our children, kisses me before he leaves for work, gives the kids baths, takes my crap on a daily basis and wrestles with the boys on a nightly basis! All of this is just the tip of the gigantic iceberg! He is a Superhero Dad! He is a my very own Super-Man! He is because I choose to see him this way.

I choose to see my husband through God's eyes! I wake up every morning and ask for God's goggles to see my husband in this way. And I will continue to ask for His help because without it, I will fail as a wife. More on asking for God's help later.

I want to have the best marraige I can possibly have. I want to be the best wife I can possibly be. Therefore, I will choose wisely and choose to see my husband as the best so I can inturn be the best.  

     

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Saturday Scripture

God created man in his image;
in the divine image he created him;
male and female he created them.

Genesis 1 verse 27

The man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
This one shall be called 'woman,'
for out of 'her man'this one has been taken."
That is why the man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body.

Genesis 2 verse 23 and 24

When a man and woman marry they become one body. What a powerful statement! Think about that!
Marriage is so sacred and so holy. At least that is the way God intended for it to be. How do you think marriage is depicted through television, movies, and other social avenues? How can any marriage survive a time where marriage is taken so lightly and passively? Marriage is tough, I know. I have been in the trenches where it is hard to see the light of hope. Cling to the Word. Cling to one another. Tell yourselves divorce is not an option. Seek guidance. Follow through. See each other through God's eye's! And rememeber, each and every one of us were created in His image!

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