Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I can only imagine

As a child, my mom and dad told me that if you have Jesus as your Saviour, when you die you will go to heaven. He will be there to welcome you to his kingdom. I believed it then, and I still believe it. I wondered at times what heaven would look like and what I could do there. I wondered what Jesus looked like. But it was never something I thought a lot about.

Until April 9, 2010. The day my 16 year old brother died in a car accident.

Almost instantly, my thoughts and questions of heaven surfaced and I had to find answers. I cried out to God, even to Martin. I needed to know that Martin was for sure there, in heaven, and he was okay. I needed to know what he was doing and if he could see me. I needed to see him smile. (Now I actually have an image of Martin in my head of his face and he has the biggest smile. I am so thankful for that.) I reached for the Bible first, but it was too much to undertake. I was searching for very straight forward, juvenile like answers about heaven. I was so thirsty for knowledge and to know more about where my brother was going to be from now on. 

I can"t remember how I got the book, maybe my mom(more than likely) got it for us. I read Heaven is for Real and my mind and my heart were slowly but at ease.

It is about a young boy's trip to heaven and back. It is precious and simple. The words describing heaven came alive and helped me get a mental picture of heaven. It was exactly what I longed for during this difficult time. I wanted to be able to picture my brother in heaven and see him in all his glory with Jesus and the angels. I wanted to know if he would grow older and if his allergies would still bother him. I wanted to know who he would hang out with and what would they do. I wanted to know that he was okay. After reading this book and talking to friends and family, my doubts and worries turned in to delight and peace.

So now when I imagine entering the gates of heaven I see my brother waiting  for me with arms outstretched smiling. Sometimes I find myself more excited, in a sense, to see my brother in heaven than Jesus. Is that terrible to feel? I want to spend eternity with both Martin and Jesus but seeing my brother again puts a smile on my face.

I know my time will come. In His time. I will see Martin again. And we will both be smiling.


Anonymous said...

We will see Martin again. We will sit at the feet of our Lord and be eternally joyous, giving God all the praises He is worthy of. Oh happy day!!!

I love you.

Anonymous said...

Jessica. That post just left me in awe. I want to go find that book. You are amazing and filled with Love!
xoxo Cathy S.

Kate said...

Didn't he visit Fairhope recently at Page and Palette, I remember seeing some posters up about it.

Anonymous said...

Dear Jessica,
I lost a brother in a car accident. He was only 22. It was so hard on our whole family. Just like you, my faith was stengthened by this. God bless you and your beautiful family!
Mrs. Gamache
St. Teresa's Catholic School