Tuesday, August 3, 2010

seeking signs

I have been struggling the past few days. Mostly with Martin's death, but other things are weighing heavy as well. For those of you that do not know, my little brother, Martin, was killed tragically in a car accident April 9, 2010. He was 16. Our family has been ripped to shreds. Our hearts beaten and broken. Our spirits shaken. We cling to the Truth, for without our faith in Jesus Christ, we would have surely crumbled and withered away by now.

I think about Martin a lot. I look up to the sky and wonder what he is doing. Can he see me? Is he talking to God at this very moment? I seek signs that Martin is in fact in heaven. Yes, sometimes I have doubts. My mind plays tricks on me. Satan enters and tries to lure me to the dark side. But there is no place for me there. My place is secure right here, digging through the truth and following the Light. I know where Martin is. But I am human. And those human thoughts and doubts chill me to the bone.

I have been crying  a lot. I went to church Sunday by myself and cried. I felt my warm tears move down my cheeks. My heart sank as I wept for many losses in my life. Some gone forever. Others I hope to find and make anew.  

Time. It is a funny thing. Unmoving. It is something Martin doesn't have to worry about any longer. Lucky! Martino, if you are listening, I love you and hope to play Apples to Apples with you again one day soon!


Lin said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. Your brother would most definitely be in heaven. It takes time to get over losing someone, especially when lost so young. He will forever be in your heart.

Jo said...

I love you dear friend! Please know your family continues to be in my prayers. I know I have said this to you before, but I HATE your family is going through this. We just think of you guys all the time, I am so proud of you and how you handle all that is on your plate. You are an amazing woman, and I am so blessed to have you as a friend.