We are approaching the one year mark or one year anniversary or whatever you are suppose to call it, of Martin's death. I am in disbelief that it has been a year. I am in disbelief that he is gone. I am in disbelief that the world around me can go on normal and some days it feels like I am not moving at all. Time goes by way too fast. Time. Lost time. Wasted time. Happy times. Sad times. Oh that word. Time. A pierce in my side.
My anxiety levels are high these days. Senses are heightened. I have no idea what to expect the days leading to April 9th. All I know is what I feel right now and how I felt the days after Martin's accident. Will I feel the same as I did then? It's crazy because we had no idea that Martin was going to die that day. We carried on that day like we were going to see him again. And of course he carried on that day like he was going to see tomorrow. All it took was a few seconds for it all to change. It is so hard to even express in written word my thoughts. Try to stay with me.
So now we are living our new normal. None of us are used to it or even good at it really.
I can't stop or even slow down April 9th from coming. I don't know how I will feel or what we will do that day. I wish I could control my emotions and the thoughts swimming around in my head. But that ain't gonna happen. There is no way to be prepared or brase myself...is there?
I didn't think so.